lets try it out

"I guess... my question is, if you were to represent ALL of the emotional state in self-harm. If you were to allow yourself to completely represent physically what's going on with you emotionally...
What do you think that would look like?

You don't have to tell me.
Or think about it.
Dismiss this entirely if it's not constructive.

But if the picture you're imagining is really that bad..."

(...disclaimer: these wounds are not real. I found my old theatre make-up, and I tried a visualization exercise. )

some cure

because sometimes

the things they prescribe

feel worse than the demon itself.

...disclaimer: these wounds are not real. This was an experiment, once prompted by a visual exercise. "What if your outsides accurately displayed how things *felt* on the inside?" he said. "What would you look like now? What would you look like in 5 years?" 

...and that stung more than I seemed to think it would. 

So the next morning, I found my old theatre make-up, and I tried it out.

can't talk it out sometimes

my friend and I

gently discussing the more painful things, 

said, "how would you look if you started self-harming and didn't stop?

if you went past your threshold? how bad would it be?" 

and I cringed 

and kept cringing. 

...disclaimer: these wounds are not real. This was an experiment, once prompted by a visual exercise. "What if your outsides accurately displayed how things *felt* on the inside?" he said. "What would you look like now? What would you look like in 5 years?" 

...and that stung more than I seemed to think it would. 

So the next morning, I found my old theatre make-up, and I tried it out.

PTSD

(waking in fear

can't remember where i am

can't remember my goddamn name)

...disclaimer: these wounds are not real. This was an experiment, once prompted by a visual exercise. "What if your outsides accurately displayed how things *felt* on the inside?" he said. "What would you look like now? What would you look like in 5 years?" 

...and that stung more than I seemed to think it would. 

So the next morning, I found my old theatre make-up, and I tried it out.

fuck-up

the reality of the

humiliating

ever hungry 

demons 

who sometimes break free of their chains

and i

i self destruct

drowning

this is how it hurts

how it eats up every last shred 

of everything good inside of you.

(...but. uh i made a therapist appointment.)

I don't even

somedays I like myself 

somedays I don't.

can't look myself in the eye,

but I try to anyway.

somedays it just helps to dress up and wear a tie.

ain't no reason.